conversations

it was one of those walks we took after work. the ones where we unload all our baggage and eventually move to our views on the profession, on our plans, on life in general.

he was griping about his old job again. it reminded me of myself a year back.

... the fact is shit rolls downhill, and you happen to be at the lowest point.

yeah, that's true, i said, and in my case, that's where the problem comes in. i'm the type who doesn't take crap from anybody.

yeah, that's another thing about you. it's something a lot of people misunderstand. they think you're... but you're not. i mean, to me, it's just work, don't take things personally.

my mind started buzzing. i'm what, exactly??? he didn't say. i didn't ask. but the word bitchy comes to mind. i've been called that more than once, and i'm not surprised. i have a tendency to yell at people who don't get off their fat asses and do something productive. i also don't like freeloaders, manipulators, and people in authority who lord it over you all the time. to some people, i'm not just intimidating. i'm downright scary.

a few months back, i went on an asking spree. i asked different people one question - am i intimidating?

no, but i can see why some people think you are.
personally, i'm not intimidated, but i know people who are.
in some ways, but as a whole, not really.
a bit, 'cause you're overly sociable. (that didn't make sense to me, either.)
'horrific' would be too strong a word. *insert giant smiley here*
no. why do you ask?

i asked my friends. the people who were able to go beyond the intimidating front and realize i'm not such a grouch, after all. i also asked people i just met. the ones who first saw me in a stress-free environment and haven't seen me at my worst. so essentially, my research was lopsided.

what the heck. i know i'm not the easiest person to love in this world. in fact, i'm probably one of the most difficult.

at least i know that the people who love me really made an effort.

and i kinda like it that way.