i (don't) need a boyfriend
just five minutes ago, an acquaintance of mine sent a frantic message to my cellphone. she is asking me (and all her other mobile-toting friends) to find her a boyfriend. hubby material.
she knew her boyfriend ws cheating on her. but still she chooses to turn a blind eye and play the martyr. she loves him in spite of the things he does to hurt her. this girl needs a good talking-to, i thought. just when i was about to give her a sermon, here she comes virtually announcing that she is in a state of emotional turmoil due to a breakup.
i wanted to whack her on the head. she is the epitome of the passive-dependent woman that would do anything in the name of love - or something like it. i could not believe that there are multitudinous females with such poor self-image that they're willing to spend and/or stake their lives on scumbags and chauvanist pigs.
then again, i'm not immune to that sort of behavior. not that i'd condone womanizing at any given time. but i would - nay, i have settled for someone who is not quite the perfect match, if not the perfect gentleman.
i look back at my past relationships, and i realize that i have a tendency to sell myself short. i have been so emotionally needy that i fell for the first (or second) guy that comes around offering his shoulder to cry on. even though he's not smart. or driven. or stable. or mature. or drop-dead gorgeous. (okay, i just put that in for good measure. it doesn't hurt to have an attractive boyfriend.) the bottom line is, i settled for less than the best. they didn't cheat, they didn't lie, but they weren't really right for me, either. i knew that from the very start. but i went ahead and let myself fall, anyway. hearts got broken, and i can't honestly say that i was the biggest victim. people do stupid things for love. or something like it.
it takes a lot to break off a meaningful relationship. even when you know it's doing a lot of damage. it takes a really strong person to walk away from someone who has practically become the whole world to you. suffice to say, i was deluded enough to think i was that person. in my lifetime, i left behind two people who loved me... men i had loved, no matter how flawed and deficient my love could be. i always thought i didn't love them enough. because i chose to give up. not purely out of my own volition, but still, i was the one who decided to pack up and leave. i don't think they've quite gotten over the trauma. not that i ask.
i may have instigated the breakup, but it still hurt like hell. people think it's harder on the receiving end. let me tell you, knowing you made the choice - the painful and difficult choice - of letting go... it's enough to drive you crazy. stark raving mad. you kick yourself for being stupid. and you have to keep yourself from eating your words and run back into the arms that have comforted you so many times. you have to stop yourself from playing the fool. again. and again. and again. even when you know he's more than willing to take you back. especially when. you have to stand firm, because you don't want to hurt him all over again. so you lock yourself up and cry until you run out of tears.
it's been a year and a half since my last breakup. i've never been single and unattached for this long, ever since my first boyfriend in college. i slowly grew out of my emotional dependency. scars heal, and my heart has become so much stronger because of the countless beatings it received. i've finally reached a point where i can say my life is full even without a man beside me. maybe even because there is no man beside me. nobody is holding me back from becoming the strong, independent woman i am supposed to be. singleness has become a choice, not just an unfortunate circumstance.
and my broken-hearted friend? i told her finding a new boyfriend is not the solution. i said that she should not to attach her worth as a person to some flake-off of a guy. that now is the time to grow, to enjoy being single. she was able to live without him before, and she could very well live without him again. buti ka pa, you're so strong, she said.
if she only knew.
she knew her boyfriend ws cheating on her. but still she chooses to turn a blind eye and play the martyr. she loves him in spite of the things he does to hurt her. this girl needs a good talking-to, i thought. just when i was about to give her a sermon, here she comes virtually announcing that she is in a state of emotional turmoil due to a breakup.
i wanted to whack her on the head. she is the epitome of the passive-dependent woman that would do anything in the name of love - or something like it. i could not believe that there are multitudinous females with such poor self-image that they're willing to spend and/or stake their lives on scumbags and chauvanist pigs.
then again, i'm not immune to that sort of behavior. not that i'd condone womanizing at any given time. but i would - nay, i have settled for someone who is not quite the perfect match, if not the perfect gentleman.
i look back at my past relationships, and i realize that i have a tendency to sell myself short. i have been so emotionally needy that i fell for the first (or second) guy that comes around offering his shoulder to cry on. even though he's not smart. or driven. or stable. or mature. or drop-dead gorgeous. (okay, i just put that in for good measure. it doesn't hurt to have an attractive boyfriend.) the bottom line is, i settled for less than the best. they didn't cheat, they didn't lie, but they weren't really right for me, either. i knew that from the very start. but i went ahead and let myself fall, anyway. hearts got broken, and i can't honestly say that i was the biggest victim. people do stupid things for love. or something like it.
it takes a lot to break off a meaningful relationship. even when you know it's doing a lot of damage. it takes a really strong person to walk away from someone who has practically become the whole world to you. suffice to say, i was deluded enough to think i was that person. in my lifetime, i left behind two people who loved me... men i had loved, no matter how flawed and deficient my love could be. i always thought i didn't love them enough. because i chose to give up. not purely out of my own volition, but still, i was the one who decided to pack up and leave. i don't think they've quite gotten over the trauma. not that i ask.
i may have instigated the breakup, but it still hurt like hell. people think it's harder on the receiving end. let me tell you, knowing you made the choice - the painful and difficult choice - of letting go... it's enough to drive you crazy. stark raving mad. you kick yourself for being stupid. and you have to keep yourself from eating your words and run back into the arms that have comforted you so many times. you have to stop yourself from playing the fool. again. and again. and again. even when you know he's more than willing to take you back. especially when. you have to stand firm, because you don't want to hurt him all over again. so you lock yourself up and cry until you run out of tears.
it's been a year and a half since my last breakup. i've never been single and unattached for this long, ever since my first boyfriend in college. i slowly grew out of my emotional dependency. scars heal, and my heart has become so much stronger because of the countless beatings it received. i've finally reached a point where i can say my life is full even without a man beside me. maybe even because there is no man beside me. nobody is holding me back from becoming the strong, independent woman i am supposed to be. singleness has become a choice, not just an unfortunate circumstance.
and my broken-hearted friend? i told her finding a new boyfriend is not the solution. i said that she should not to attach her worth as a person to some flake-off of a guy. that now is the time to grow, to enjoy being single. she was able to live without him before, and she could very well live without him again. buti ka pa, you're so strong, she said.
if she only knew.
posted by super inday at 5:05 am
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