panic attack

i'm trying to curb my cursing, but last night i was scared shitless.

i took the metro rail home 'cause my sister needed the car. right before i got on the train my vision blurred. it wasn't the first time. a corner in my field of vision distorted the images i see. i tried to blink it away but it persisted. all the way until one or two stations before my stop.

i got off the train at my station, and when i passed through the turnestiles, i forgot which way i was supposed to go. i looked around to get my bearings, but i could hardly recognize anything. i couldn't even figure out which side of the street i am on, and which side i should BE on. i had to exert extra effort to think of where i am going. i made a wrong turn twice. and all i had to do was walk a maximum of 50m.

when i got to my pick-up point, i couldn't recognize our car. i couldn't recognize our driver. i had to stare a full minute then look at the license plate to even be sure i wasn't making a mistake. i asked the driver to bring me to the bookstore before we headed home. my wits were about me (more or less) but i had a hard time focusing on things. i knew where i had to go, and what i had to do, but i felt like i was an aimless nomad in a sea of books. i knew it was time to go home.

i wanted to talk to my mom, but she had to run to the atm to get money. so i lay in her bed, panicking and praying. i tried to sms a friend about what i was feeling, only to realize that my left hand had gone numb. it scared me even more. i started to cry. i asked god what was happening to me. when mom got home, i told her what i went through with tears running down my face.

i'm still not feeling very well today. head throbs, couldn't think straight, and just a while ago i felt a sharp pain on my right arm which started to numb my hand.

something feels terribly, terribly wrong.