another one bites the dust
not exactly the sentimental, poetic type of title you'd expect from a post that talks about death. yet again.
i think i'm becoming desensitized to the mortality of people around me. maybe it's the frequency i receive such news. maybe it's because the death prior to this was the ultimate shocker, and death by any other fate would not faze me anymore. maybe it's because i didn't care much for the person who died recently. (yes, it's someone i know personally, so it should make SOME kind of impact.)
the former dean of my college passed away last tuesday. i received the news with a deadpan face. i did not go through the shock - anger - denial - depression - acceptance pattern. i jumped all the way to acceptance without so much as a bat of an eye. ok, so he's dead. life goes on.
when a friend and colleague asked if i would go to the wake, i said, "i can't pretend to care."
i can be so heartless, i know.
there was a memorial service for him at our college this evening. i didn't plan on going. a classmate asked me yesterday if i were, and i said, "i have to find peace in my heart first. he was not my favorite person." brutal, but hey, at least i'm honest.
i found peace in less than twenty-four hours. prayer does wonders, i tell you.
during the service, i have come to realize one thing. under different circumstances, the dean and i might have gotten along pretty well. if he had not pegged me as a spoiled fil-chi girl who can't take public transport. if i hadn't stereotyped him as a closet-case homosexual who is so full of himself. maybe we would have been able to engage each other in a healthy intellectual discussion about life and architecture. just maybe.
still, i feel no regret. i feel no loss.
life goes on.
i think i'm becoming desensitized to the mortality of people around me. maybe it's the frequency i receive such news. maybe it's because the death prior to this was the ultimate shocker, and death by any other fate would not faze me anymore. maybe it's because i didn't care much for the person who died recently. (yes, it's someone i know personally, so it should make SOME kind of impact.)
the former dean of my college passed away last tuesday. i received the news with a deadpan face. i did not go through the shock - anger - denial - depression - acceptance pattern. i jumped all the way to acceptance without so much as a bat of an eye. ok, so he's dead. life goes on.
when a friend and colleague asked if i would go to the wake, i said, "i can't pretend to care."
i can be so heartless, i know.
there was a memorial service for him at our college this evening. i didn't plan on going. a classmate asked me yesterday if i were, and i said, "i have to find peace in my heart first. he was not my favorite person." brutal, but hey, at least i'm honest.
i found peace in less than twenty-four hours. prayer does wonders, i tell you.
during the service, i have come to realize one thing. under different circumstances, the dean and i might have gotten along pretty well. if he had not pegged me as a spoiled fil-chi girl who can't take public transport. if i hadn't stereotyped him as a closet-case homosexual who is so full of himself. maybe we would have been able to engage each other in a healthy intellectual discussion about life and architecture. just maybe.
still, i feel no regret. i feel no loss.
life goes on.
posted by super inday at 2:59 pm
1 Comments:
isn't it curious how some people connect so easily while others simply don't?
i guess there was no connection between you and the former dean. maybe there was something blocking the line (like those sad stereotypes) or maybe there wasn't a line of communication to begin with.
whichever the case, your decision to go is very much appreciated. though you did not feel any direct sense of loss, you still thought of those who felt it and managed to spare a bit of your time to share in their discomfort, and that matters.
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