on being beautiful
who, me? beautiful???
ten years (and fifteen pounds ago) i would have said "who are you kidding???"
when i was younger, i never believed i was anything near pretty, let alone beautiful. i was surrounded by girls much prettier and more popular than i am. i was the geek who spent her spare time in the school library, away from everyone else. besides, hardly anyone would compliment me on my looks. they all kept saying how smart i am. and how can i forget my sister's answer when i asked her if i'm pretty? she said, "yeah, you're pretty. pretty ugly." self-esteem down to zero.
i thought i was ugly, but i hardly spent time fixing myself up, either. my mom and my sister would criticize me when i snoop around and play with my mom's makeup. i was instantly labelled as vain. to underscore that reputation, my dad got me a stuffed version of vanity smurf. (nothing like some positive reinforcement.) since then, i stayed away from cosmetics and mirrors.
flash forward to present.
i went shopping yesterday, and as is my usual habit, i smiled, greeted the parking attendant, and said thanks. as i drove away, he replied, "you're welcome. and you're also beautiful."
ha?!?!?
okay, so i'm flattered. it's not everyday that i get compliments from strangers. though i have to say, i'm getting a bit more attention from the opposite sex these days. and it does wonders to my self-esteem. for the first time in my life, i'm beginning to think i am actually not that bad-looking. (okay, sometimes i think i'm pretty hot, but saying so would be pushing it.)
i still don't spend much time fixing up. i am one of the few women who can live without a hairdryer or a mirror. my sisters (and my brother!) use my bedroom's full-length mirror more than i do. (for the record, my older sister had it put there. i didn't have anything to do with it.) but i AM getting more conscious of how i look. maybe it's an offshoot of the testosterone-induced attention. (it still baffles me how i seem to be gaining fanboys and stalkers by the minute. baffles, but it doesn't mean i don't like it!)
truth be told, i enjoy being beautiful. who wouldn't? you get compliments, extra attention, and the occasional admirer. finally, i am getting the kind of attention that i so desperately wanted when i was growing up. finally, i can look in the mirror and think, i am beautiful.
and i'd actually believe it's true.
ten years (and fifteen pounds ago) i would have said "who are you kidding???"
when i was younger, i never believed i was anything near pretty, let alone beautiful. i was surrounded by girls much prettier and more popular than i am. i was the geek who spent her spare time in the school library, away from everyone else. besides, hardly anyone would compliment me on my looks. they all kept saying how smart i am. and how can i forget my sister's answer when i asked her if i'm pretty? she said, "yeah, you're pretty. pretty ugly." self-esteem down to zero.
i thought i was ugly, but i hardly spent time fixing myself up, either. my mom and my sister would criticize me when i snoop around and play with my mom's makeup. i was instantly labelled as vain. to underscore that reputation, my dad got me a stuffed version of vanity smurf. (nothing like some positive reinforcement.) since then, i stayed away from cosmetics and mirrors.
flash forward to present.
i went shopping yesterday, and as is my usual habit, i smiled, greeted the parking attendant, and said thanks. as i drove away, he replied, "you're welcome. and you're also beautiful."
ha?!?!?
okay, so i'm flattered. it's not everyday that i get compliments from strangers. though i have to say, i'm getting a bit more attention from the opposite sex these days. and it does wonders to my self-esteem. for the first time in my life, i'm beginning to think i am actually not that bad-looking. (okay, sometimes i think i'm pretty hot, but saying so would be pushing it.)
i still don't spend much time fixing up. i am one of the few women who can live without a hairdryer or a mirror. my sisters (and my brother!) use my bedroom's full-length mirror more than i do. (for the record, my older sister had it put there. i didn't have anything to do with it.) but i AM getting more conscious of how i look. maybe it's an offshoot of the testosterone-induced attention. (it still baffles me how i seem to be gaining fanboys and stalkers by the minute. baffles, but it doesn't mean i don't like it!)
truth be told, i enjoy being beautiful. who wouldn't? you get compliments, extra attention, and the occasional admirer. finally, i am getting the kind of attention that i so desperately wanted when i was growing up. finally, i can look in the mirror and think, i am beautiful.
and i'd actually believe it's true.
posted by super inday at 9:46 am
2 Comments:
I used to think I was pretty too...pretty ugly that is. But over the years, my family saw the need for some self-esteem boosts, seeing how I withdrew myself from meeting new people, and so they provided me with compliments that slowly built my self-appreciation. I still have a hard time seeing what they say they see in me...but I'm learning.
But you, well, have you looked at the mirror lately? You are beautiful... =)
you are beautiful. you just have to believe it. :)
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