sentimental

in less than seventy hours, i will be on a plane that will first take me to hongkong, and from there, i will fly to london.

it's so weird to finally leave home.

last night, my church friends (and my sister!) arranged for a surprise going-away party. i guess i was so strung-out or otherwise distracted, that i didn't even see it coming. when normally i would have smelled something like that a mile away. to think, there were a couple of slip-ups already. haha. i guess i didn't quite expect people to make a big deal out of it. but it made me happy, and i really appreciated all the effort they put into it. the funny thing is, i just sat there pretty dazed the whole time. just listened to everyone else talk while grabbing a few bites. there was a live act at the restaurant, and the singer asked if there's any special occasion for the night... or course, the boys yelled that it's my going-away party. there was the standard-issue "any requests?" line, which was more or less brushed aside. but the band proceeded to play "leaving on a jet plane" - supposedly for me. which just cemented its status as my current theme song. the chorus of that song has been brought up three times in the past month - in telephone conversations, sms messages, and side remarks. and yes, i've played it in my head a couple of times.

being dazed, i didn't get all sentimental and weepy during the party. and i didn't shed a tear throughout the night, while spending one last sleepover with some friends. even when they gave me the scrapbook they made, or when we browsed through it. i didn't read the notes yet, though. i wanted to save those for later.

so we stayed up until 3:30am, talking about everything and nothing. i got around three hours of sleep, which made me wonder why on earth i agreed to stay up so late. i was sleepy all throughout sunday worship service. thank goodness the unearthly hours didn't affect my voice, as i had to sing in the choir today. everything was going ok, until towards the end of the service. the worship leader announced to the whole congregation that i was leaving the country. then i started getting teary-eyed. fortunately, i stopped myself in time. what a mess i would have looked if i did start crying. in front of everyone. ugh.

but of course, my friend noticed. before i left, she mentioned it. and the floodgates were opened... i couldn't stop myself from crying. i can say that the lack of sleep has caused serotonin imbalance in my brain, making me a tad more melancholy. (like you'd buy that.) it's probably all the hugs and the goodbyes. and the realization that it's my last day at my church of almost ten years.

earlier this evening i read the notes in my scrapbook. and the tears just made their way from my eyes to my cheeks. (i swear, i had nothing to do with it.)

i never thought i'd cry when i leave. but i guess people and things have come to mean a lot more to me... i think it would be sadder if i had left without shedding a tear. because it would mean that after 26 years, i don't have anything i care enough about in the place i call home.