putting price tags
i just got my assessment reports for term 1 yesterday. in short, i got my grades. and i am not too happy about them.
alright, i admit it. i'm stuck in a performance trap. i feel like i need to be the best (or close to the best) whenever i am in an academic environment. i guess chasing the elusive valedictory title in undergrad made a monster out of me. i.e. i became grade-conscious and highly competitive. right now i'm not competitive, but i'm still grade-conscious. (i guess a 50% improvement isn't so bad.)
the grading scale is a bit different from what i am used to. it's still on a scale of 100, but the honours cut-off mark (they call it "distinction" here) is at 80. achievable, i thought. i hardly got any grade under 80 in my whole life. so you can imagine what a blow it was to my ego when i saw my grades in the 70's range. and one in the 60's. ugh. i think i prefer looking at the letter equivalents. two B's and a C. no mid-range letter grades (A- or B+) here. just glaring alphabets that show you how low you are in the pecking order.
okay, fine. term 1 submissions were really not my best work. maybe i have to cut myself some slack. i still needed to adjust to the environment - physical, emotional, academic. let's say there is a 10% adjustment factor. in which case, i am in the A level if i adjust my grades. oh, how i wish.
i am trying hard not to focus on the numerical equivalents of my academic efforts. i am curbing the urge to calculate my current average, and how much i should aim for in the next three terms. argh. i should have known better than to go get my grades. (you have to ask for your report at the graduate school office. they don't get sent automatically.)
everything changes once you put a price tag on it. suddenly i felt as though i am not even supposed to be here. or that i don't even want to be.
that's it. no collection of academic reports in term 2. some things are just better left unknown. after all, the point is to learn. and to grow. not to get a star on my diploma.
right. now time for dissertation research work.
alright, i admit it. i'm stuck in a performance trap. i feel like i need to be the best (or close to the best) whenever i am in an academic environment. i guess chasing the elusive valedictory title in undergrad made a monster out of me. i.e. i became grade-conscious and highly competitive. right now i'm not competitive, but i'm still grade-conscious. (i guess a 50% improvement isn't so bad.)
the grading scale is a bit different from what i am used to. it's still on a scale of 100, but the honours cut-off mark (they call it "distinction" here) is at 80. achievable, i thought. i hardly got any grade under 80 in my whole life. so you can imagine what a blow it was to my ego when i saw my grades in the 70's range. and one in the 60's. ugh. i think i prefer looking at the letter equivalents. two B's and a C. no mid-range letter grades (A- or B+) here. just glaring alphabets that show you how low you are in the pecking order.
okay, fine. term 1 submissions were really not my best work. maybe i have to cut myself some slack. i still needed to adjust to the environment - physical, emotional, academic. let's say there is a 10% adjustment factor. in which case, i am in the A level if i adjust my grades. oh, how i wish.
i am trying hard not to focus on the numerical equivalents of my academic efforts. i am curbing the urge to calculate my current average, and how much i should aim for in the next three terms. argh. i should have known better than to go get my grades. (you have to ask for your report at the graduate school office. they don't get sent automatically.)
everything changes once you put a price tag on it. suddenly i felt as though i am not even supposed to be here. or that i don't even want to be.
that's it. no collection of academic reports in term 2. some things are just better left unknown. after all, the point is to learn. and to grow. not to get a star on my diploma.
right. now time for dissertation research work.
posted by super inday at 10:44 am
1 Comments:
amen! :P
Post a Comment
<< Home