d-oh!

i am a first class dunce. up to this very minute, i cannot BELIEVE i can be so STUPID. note to self - do not try to carry on regular dinner-table conversation while sending sms. it WILL get sent to the wrong person.

i should have trusted my initial instincts and just kept quiet about everything. but noooooooo, the girl in me has to come out, and i just HAVE to tell someone. (yes, it's about me and a person of the opposite gender spending a whole day together. i hope you're all satisfied.) and so, splitting my attention between my mobile and the people at the dinner table, i inadvertently sent the message not to my friend, BUT TO THE GUY I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!

kill me. kill me now.

of course, blogging about it will not improve the situation. 'cause person in question READS MY BLOG. (hey mister, you know who you are, and i know you're smiling. stop right there!!! you are NOT ALLOWED to read anything that comes after this sentence.)

I TOLD YOU TO STOP READING!!! and don't make me put your whole name down in print!!!

sheesh. men.

i only realized my bubu when my friend has not replied in ten minutes. he usually sends back his male perspective on my situation within five . so i texted (yeah, i hate using that verb, but i have to) my friend again to check if i DID send him the incriminating message... and he said he didn't get anything. seriously. so i put two and two together, and just asked the earth swallow me up at that very moment.

it doesn't stop there. being a human with two x chromosomes, i had to verify my worst fears. i asked HIM. and i was incriminated yet again. just shoot me.

he was all nice and cool about it (not like HE has a reason to panic, duh.) and even offered to not mention it again within our lifetimes. which is an okay idea, except that *I* will not be able to just let it go. (do you even NEED further evidence of that?!?!?!) suffice to say, my mobile phone did not rest until i fell asleep much later that night.

i STILL can't believe i did something so IDIOTIC. i absolutely HATE myself. (images of eva mendez screaming into her pillow and pounding her fist comes to mind.)

the implications of my act of temporary insanity are multi-fold. first, it means that i THINK ABOUT HIM. that is incriminating enough. second, it means i think about him enough to TALK ABOUT HIM WITH MY FRIEND. (or friends, if he prefers to think that way.) third, it means i have put SOME degree of MEANING or importance into spending EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS with him. (okay, i guess that IS a lot of time...) i can no longer pretend IT'S NO BIG THING. (though seriously, i think he knows that, too. he was all "spiffed up" yesterday hahaha!!!) finally, all three previous points ultimately mean ONE THING - he KNOWS (or at least has an IDEA) that i am considering our situation as something that could grow into a serious relationship. and that i am in favor of such. and it's NEVER a good idea to have that all out so EARLY into a relationship. (or something like it.)

cow. cow cow cow cow COW!!!

only god can fix this horrible mess now. i don't think i can ever live this down.