personal demons

i first heard guster's demons back when i was in college. i fell in love with it right away. the words and the melody are simple, but i never get tired of it. maybe because it didn't get played much, and it still doesn't... probably because the words still ring very true in my life today as they did over five years ago.

Artist: Guster
From the Album: Goldfly
Song Title: Demons

My words confuse you
My eyes don't move a blink
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be sincere
Somehow I make you believe
Believe

When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt

Honest is easy
Fiction is where genius lies
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be involved
Somehow I make you believe
Believe

When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you’ve been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt

whenever i hear this song... i think of my parents. it's a love-hate relationship between us. some days i love, they hate... other days they love, i hate. most days, i imagine they think of me as the devil's spawn. the day i heard this, i made a decision... to be a demon. and not be hurt. by the ones who were supposed to love me the most.

it's sad that after five years, i still feel the same way about my parents. i am still an angry kid who just got out of her teens, fighting for every shred of independence and getting pushed against the wall almost every time. some days i'm too tired to fight back. those days i realize... i still get hurt. and though i want to, i can't quite play the demon.