parallels

two presents. two letters. two men.

one girl.

twice cried.

in two different ways.

for two different reasons.

to know someone so well
and realize you do not know him well enough.

to know someone for a short while
and realize he knows you more than you thought he did.

two men.

both wondering who the other is.

each knowing he is one of the two.

i love you.

you two.

in two different ways.

for two different reasons.

pack up and leave

i have not told anyone this. not a soul. but i have decided to let anyone who has access to this blog find out.

when i leave home in january next year, it will be for good.

sure, i'll come back. to visit. but manila won't be my home anymore.

this much i know. i've seen it happen to my older sister. maybe it will happen to my older brother. but i know it will happen to me. so just embrace the reality. besides, i want it to. happen.

i've seen what life outside these walls can offer. and i will take it. i want to have life, and have it to the full. staying here is not exactly the way to live a full life.

how do i know this?

when i left my flat in london ten days ago, i felt SAD. a wave of sorrow crashed over me like some irrepressible force of nature. something i never felt when i left the place i have spent 26years of my life in. i have only lived 90+ days in london. and yet it felt more like home in many ways than this place ever did.

for all my life i've felt that i don't belong here. sometimes the feeling disappears. like the past year. i was inexplicably happy with my life. sure, there are downsides, but i coped. i was satisfied. can't exactly say there's nowhere else i'd rather be, but the thought of leaving immediately hardly surfaced. probably because i knew i was leaving sooner or later. more like sooner.

but in london... there's nowhere else i'd rather be. it's not the perfect city. it's not the perfect weather. it's not the perfect life. but i'm happy. happier than i've ever been in a long time. happier than i could ever remember. life made sense over there. life was simple. the most i had to worry about was how to split my laundry into darks and whites. okay, that's an over/understatement. but you get the idea.

perhaps all my life, i just wanted to get away from the me that i am over here. the unhappy, negative, supressed and frustrated me. the trapped me. the me that has to live according to everyone else's expectations and demands. the me that is subjected to rules i do not quite believe in, yet follow. the me who sometimes wanders aimlessly through life, doing the "right" thing, but not necessarily the good thing.

in london, nobody expects anything of me. nobody knows who i am or how i am. they are just in the process of finding out. and frankly, so am i.

in london, i'm not just me. in london, i am the best me i know i can be.

and that makes all the difference.

home sweet...

hell. (copyright belongs to captain obvious.)

you know i'm home when i have this irrepressible urge to blog. and i actually do.

it's been over 72 hours since i got home. the novelty is fast wearing off.

i am once again the kitchen maid. and then some.

my body has yet to adjust timezones. sleeping at odd hours is not good for my mood, much less my tolerance of annoying relatives. even when one is living in an island ten degrees closer to the equator than i am. (never underestimate the far-reaching powers of irritanting siblings.) and then there is the mother.

of course, it does not help that my old mobile number is still inactive, and i am still disconnected from the people i would much rather be with than abovementioned kin.

up side - best friend loaned me phone to keep to connected to at least ONE other human being outside the nuthouse. theatre-bike-text-coffeeshop boy helping out with schoolwork. (i have GOT to think of a better name for him. urgh.) team paper almost done. currently working on design project, and making good time (i think).

now i have to brave metro manila payday weekend christmas rush traffic to bring my younger sisters to the mall located in the middle of christmas hell. let the games begin.

heading home

it's been a little over three months. i can't believe it.

flying out of heathrow in ten hours.

finally, have a few minutes to spew out a half-decent blog entry.

where do i start?

life is good. life is great. i've got two team papers, one individual paper, and one design project due when i get back in january. other than the impending stress, i'm doing alright. looking forward to seeing old friends. telling them about new friends. and life on the other side of the planet.

and for those interested, i had a second date with the hugh grant double two saturdays ago. i had fun. that's all you're getting, unfortunately.

right. looks like i even have time to vacuum my room. whee.