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Sunday, July 31, 2005

last day

it's the last day of july. and officially, my last day of work. except that today is a sunday, so my last working day was on friday.

just so you know, "last day" means "last twenty-four hours". that's right. yours truly was stuck at the office from 9am friday until 10am saturday. with only 30mins of sleep in between. whoopeee!

i don't exactly know what possessed me to stay the night. it wasn't really my project. i wasn't directly responsible for anything. i was just helping out. i could have left any time, but i didn't. call me weird, but i stayed until my sketching class at 10am. and i even planned to meet a client at 2pm. yeah, i'm crazy.

it was just a given, that i had to stay until everything was done. besides, the work was a nice change from my usual boring autocad encoding. it gave me some degree of artistic freedom, creative input... it was photoshop!!! how can you say NO to that???

there was also the fact that i could work with others as a team again. practically the whole time i was at that firm, i worked alone. just me, myself, & i. nobody to help with the workload, nobody to commiserate when the boss was being a pain in the arse.

plus, the project itself was pretty exciting. it was a competition entry for a cultural center. being that, it was less about technical stuff and more about pure design. it was a refreshing change from the usual "that's not structurally workable" mindframe.

then there's the thrill of working on a deadline. i just love buzzer-beaters. the adrenaline rush is something else. and the satisfaction of being able to come up with decent work multiplies when it was done under photo-finish conditions.

i guess all these things put together just made me decide to burn the midnight oil on my last day of work. and it sure doesn't hurt to put a competition entry on my resume and portfolio.

it was the first and last time i worked overnight in that firm, and for that excuse of a boss. and lord knows i wouldn't want to repeat it.

then again, i just might surprise myself.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

think positive

ooh! it's 11:11pm!!! make a wish!!!

my brother told me that. 11:11 is the only time all the numbers in a digital clock are the same. (except if you go by military time.) and that moment is "special" and you can make a wish.

and i wish for... world peace. *bow*

but if i were being selfish, i'd wish... i really don't know what to wish for. i'd probably wish i weren't so bloody pessimistic. (sorry, just finished watching love, actually, and the bloody english has gotten to me.) i'd wish i wouldn't take a lot of things too seriously. and i'd wish i know how to just let go.

i'd wish i'd know if (or when!) i'm going to get married, and to whom. and if i should wait around or just forget about the whole marriage idea. (notice how my blog now revolves around certain themes???) i'd wish somebody would tell me if i'm the problem, or the whole bloody male population is the problem. (DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!)

i'd wish i wouldn't be so pathetically needy that some days i just want someone to hug. and someone to hug me back. that any given day, i can be that woman who screams "bloody hell to all men" and mean it. that i can say, "i don't need a man to validate my existence," and not follow it up with stupid qualifiers.

but really, i'd wish for world peace.

and if it's not too much to ask, maybe some inner peace, too.

Monday, July 25, 2005

on holiday!!!



nothing like a special non-working holiday to cut down your remaining work days to four. yes. FOUR. i will be free from the shackles of the meddlesome client and temperamental boss in four calendar (and working!) days. days like these, i can sincerely say that life is sweet.

i should be working on my personal project now, actually. need to get a jump start so i won't get overwhelmed with work next month. but i'm enjoying my free day, and my body is too sore to exert so much effort today. (overdid the workout at the gym, which is to say, i haven't been working out regularly but still decided not to downgrade my program.) besides, i have pent-up aggressions to let out today.

right. so about those negative feelings. i found out SOMEBODY is really a let-down. unconfirmed reports have led me to think that he has something going on with some other dame. this, after he just asked me out last week. it does not matter that i turned him down. (even before i found out about the so-called other, mind you.) it does not matter that, logically, he is not good enough for me. it does not matter that i am not supposed to be interested. my ego was bruised. oh yes. i was being played by a player. i hate him, but more than that, i hate myself. for being such a ditz.

this is definitely going to set me back a few years in the "learning to trust men" department. and i thought he was good stuff. i should have known better. captain obvious said it could be that he got tired of waiting - with me not giving enough positive signals and all. in my defense, i think i gave enough signals to encourage him to WORK HARDER. because, dammit, he really wasn't showing enough effort. any guy who doesn't seem to be that interested isn't really worth my time. because if he really wanted to get with me, he'd be more involved in my life. he'd call more often. he'd ask me out more regularly. he'd make sure that i'd be thinking of him 24/7 (or almost as frequent) by letting his presence be felt. and yes, i think he pretty much knew i was into him the first few months. because i, being the bimbo, often slip up and incriminate myself through either 1. my blog, or 2. sms. so there, it's not my fault.

moving on to other depressing thoughts... my cousin got married yesterday. and until last night, she was the oldest woman on our side of the family to be unmarried. and then i realized... i am now the SECOND OLDEST WOMAN on our side that is unmarried. HOLY SMOKES. i'm getting old. and not getting any closer to the wedding altar. oh, the pressure, the pressure. but as long as my brother is still single, i'm pretty safe. until i hit the big 3-0. which is *gasp* less than four years away. oh good grief. i still can't trust men, and now i'm working on a deadline. unofficial though it may be, it's still a deadline. what the heck. they say smart people are more likely to get married later in life than the not-so-smart people. i guess we know WHICH category i fall under. hahaha.

on the up side, i was able to bog-hop across my favorite spots. and i was much entertained, thank you people! it feels good to know i am not the only weirdo on this side of the planet.

okay, back to (unofficial) business.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

life's a blog



despite my current mood, i still find it in myself to blog. you know you're hooked when...

so many things to blog about, not enough time to blog. in short, i'm getting a life. hahaha.

whenever something significant happens in my life, i start thinking about how to blog it. and i find that uber weird. (and in some ways, sad.) because it means my life revolves around my blog and my readers. oh, good grief.

like that time my best friend from college emailed and said she just got engaged. her boyfriend of seven years (from back in our college days. good golly gee, i feel ANCIENT now.) proposed to her the night before. and how, when i read that mail, i thought, gee, now that's something to blog about. best friend from high school got married, now best friend from college got engaged. hm. looks like i'm finishing last in the marriage race. (not that it's really a contest, but inquisitive aunts keep throwing the "when are you getting married?" line in my general direction.)

or that time i found a potential roommate for my stint in london. well, she found me, after i placed an ad online. and that my parents are nothing short of thrilled because said roomie is - 1. female (duh); 2. born in taiwan, raised in hongkong, studied in california (uc-berkeley, to be exact); 3. going to the same school; 4. as old as their soon-to-be-living-overseas daughter. and how my sister was the perennial wet blanket and asked "do you know anything about her?" (answer to which is, duh, obviously NO.) "or do you know anyone who can do a background check?" (like she's going to turn out to be an axe-weilding mass murderer.) but, as with everything, things are still up in the air. still have kinks to iron out.

or perhaps that day when i found out the british embassy won't process my visa papers until the 12th of september. the day i FLY OUT. (do you see the problem here???) and that my interview is on the 26th, the day CLASSES START. (another problem, no?) and how i was just about ready to rip somebody's head off and was wishing curses down on bureaucrats and ethnocentric caucasians who believe all other races are inferior, and therefore, a liability on their "pristine" but boring shores. also how, appropriately, a friend sent me this message earlier in the morning: may the fleas of a million dogs infest the butt of the person who spoils your day, and may his arms grow too short to scratch his butt. oh, how i wish.

of course, these things keep me too busy to blog about them. then there's also work. and extra work. and now, there's housework. because the maids left today. which calls for a completely different post altogether.

hoo boy.

Monday, July 18, 2005

crapcrapcrap

okay, i know i shouldn't be cursing, but CRAP.

it's one of those days when i'm overly negative and wrung-out. and the little things bother me ten times more than they should. yeah, it's the hormones. crap crap crap.

i thought i had rid myself of an irritating client and an overly boring (not to mention ridiculously tedious) project. lo and behold, it comes knocking on my door yet again. with barely ten working days to go. isn't that just GREAT???

so i'm just going to do what i'm supposed to do. sure, i can do that... if the software will work properly!!! how the heck am i supposed to do photo-editing work without keyboard commands??? i can't even ADD a selection to the set becuase it refuses to recognize any keyboard inputs!!! *&^%$#@!

yes, i may be getting worked up over nothing. like i said, the hormones. logically, i shouldn't be bothered. but i am. for the life of me, i just can't seem to let it go. and even though i told myself to get a grip, and i am trying REALLY hard, i am still upset for no apparent reason. it doesn't have to be work or the PC or irritating new employees in the office. i am just ANGSTY today. like i want to sock something. or someone. or just have a really good cry for 45 minutes.

of course, i can't do any of that, now, can i???

crap.

CRAP.

and did i already say CRAP!?!?

this is why i should NEVER take hormone pills. EVER.

crap.

i need my happy pills.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

he says...

the subject of a previous post took it upon himself to tell his side of the story. and, being the wordy nut that he is, i edited his "insights" into a smaller, more digestible post. so here's the dirt...

RECONNAISANCE, AND PRECONCEPTIONS.

consented to blind date again. being slightly inebriated and totally off guard that evening helped. these blind dates are going to be the end of me as i know me. that would be a pity.

gotta do my own research. my female cabinet members (a.k.a. sources) drew blanks on this girl. i wondered if she was a real person, and if this was a genuine setup. the only thing i'd been told was that she was chinese and in the vicinity of my age -- the two absolute minimums i required before consenting. i usually always require more objective information to go along for 3rd party check. i had no intention of repeating previous fiascos.

*editing occured here.*

without prompting, the matchmaker emailed me pictures of her. the pictures definitely screwed up my preferred mode of operation by pinning a face on someone i hadn’t gotten to know yet.

1) she surfs? hmm. relatively unusual. didn’t think surfing existed as a pastime here. i play airsoft wargames. 2 weird people on a date. cool.

2) she's 5' 7". that’s tall. no heels please, i’m merely 1.5 inches taller. heels would hurt if she decided to walk over me (not that i’m into that). plus, i like to think i'm enough of a heel already. har har.

i was told he'd sent her pics of me.

"which ones?" i asked. i've always made it a point to never have a decent presentable picture with the barkada for precisely this reason.
"oh..you know...the pics last week," he replied with a stupid smirk.
"@#$%^&*!!!"
"and i told her they weren't your worst shots yet..."
"hindi ka naman galit sa kanya, ha?"
"at paano mo alam hindi ako galit ako sa iyo?"
"galit ka sa aming dalawa! bullet day, i will giant you!"

armed with an email and pics to match, i proceeded with a quick friendster check. i knew this stupid friendster thing -- this INFERNAL JOLOGS DEVICE (of which i am a user anyway... tsk tsk) -- would come in handy sometime. i checked on the certified womanizers i knew and there she was.

1) she's from *insert name of private girl's school here*. (sorry guys, don't like putting too much info on my blog.) awwww, crap! precisely what i needed to avoid! extremely high maintenance creatures that have extra special rules for courtship and dating that apply only to their breed. *segment edited out because it has little bearing on blog owner. interested parties, leave me a message.*

2) she's from the state university. ah, now we're talking. should be mostly down-to-earth (as opposed to other colleges... like mine) and relatively street-smart. perhaps the university influence will help neutralize the fairytale influence of high school.

3) she finished architecture. precisely what i wanted to take up, except fate had other plans. she must be smart and studious then.

4) friendster profile. quite open and relatively honest, as far as friendster profiles go (if you can take anything on friendster at face value). has no qualms about posting pics of herself. outgoing? person with 400+ contacts? *edit edit* can probably kick my teeth in if i ain't careful.
note to self: BEHAVE!

5) so she likes to read and cook. good things in a girl, definitely.

6) she’s active religiously. church groupie or something. i hope she ain’t one of those bible-thumping zealot wackos. because if she is, this is doomed. she’s either gonna run away screaming or i’m gonna burst into flames. or both. wouldn’t that be a sight.

D-DAY

*blah blah blah. unimportant details, although admittedly a fun read.*

AFTERMATH

1) victim arrived at the appointed place 5 minutes after the appointed hour of execution. fashionably late. acceptable. waiting is a man's most miserable lot in life after all.

2) she's wearing jeans. CRIKEY! i'm overdressed. she bamboozled me into wearing something more formal than shirt and jeans. clever git. this is probably a good thing, since my friday-and-weekend attire consists of ripped jeans and faded t-shirt.
2a) she’s clean. duh.
2b) simple taste. no makeup, no senyorita long nails, no manicure, no excessive jewelry, no fancy shit. definite plus.
2c) pretty in her own way. not necessarily my type. but what do i know? last girls i liked and/or went after weren’t my type at first.
2d) looks much younger in person. whew.
2e) possesses mischievous catty smile. all she needed were whiskers. hmm.

3) she is talkative. can carry a conversation by herself. oh good. that means i just let her talk and let her play her cards and respond accordingly. play the ambush game. sounds like a plan.

4) sounds like a person who can take care of herself. good. don’t want someone i have to babysit. damsels-in-distress are so last millennium and forgettably so.
4a) she commutes. definitely no princess here. whew.

5) seems like a nutty girl. not bad.
5a) she has an axe to grind. i know an axe when i see one. and apparently, so does she. not good. potential personality clash here. i wonder how big that axe of hers is. (note to self: tread carefully while probing her tolerance)

*scrub. post-date info, irrelevant. again, buzz me if you really want to know.*

6) accidentally finished our pineapple dessert by myself. HOLY SCHMACKAREL! I’M NEVER GONNA HEAR THE END OF THIS!!! i owe her a pineapple fruit dessert.
6a) had to finish our mango fruit dessert too. hmm. subject is weight conscious. figure conscious. understandable. maybe too much so? but is that a bad thing?

7) 45 minutes of entanglement. ideal timespan. nice and quick. long enough to take each other’s measure, short enough to leave possible sequel. must not drag too long lest subject entertain thoughts of homicide. *writer was being overly dramatic. edit!* i gotta call it, for my sake, if not hers. subject seems willing to follow alpha dog temperament. good. nobody likes a dominatrix.

8) subject offered to pay for her share of the bill. a mere gesture, i’m sure, but appreciated nonetheless. I like to think i’m only half uncivilized of a barbarian. genghis khan and the mongol hordes weren’t all thugs after all.

9) probably the kind of girl who knows to tell a guy, “NO”. won’t just ignore a guy and hope he goes away. won’t speak in hints. that’s good. it’s the frikking new millennium and women oughtta be more assertive. nobody likes the guessing game.
9a) maybe the kind of girl who will play with a guy too. hmm. be vewwy vewwy caweful.
9b) she made it clear this was just one of many blind dates and no commitment at all. nice and clear. betrays some insecurities perhaps?

10) has enough personality and character. not the kind of girl to fade away if this does not work out romantically. plus one thousand pretty points for that. wraiths are no good after all. an interesting -– if colorful -- friendship could develop.

i now resume my regularly scheduled programming.

by garrkulet

now, that wasn't so bad, wasn't it? *cheshire cat grin*

Thursday, July 14, 2005

believe it or not

i want to go watch a filipino film.

stop the press!!! intellectual snob is actually contemplating patronage of local movies.

as they say in filipino english - in fairness, it's an experimental/art film of sorts. it doesn't take a genius to figure out which film i'm planning to watch. the question is, who's going to watch with me???

for those who have been living in a cave, peque gallaga's pinoy blonde just opened last night. initial assessment - i think it's a must-see for serious film buffs. so, calling all movie freaks out there!!! let me know if/when you're going to watch one of the few character actors in local show business.

in other movie news...

watched fantastic four last night. obviously, not my movie of choice. i was overruled by three siblings with bad taste in movies. (don't tell them i said that.) the script was bad, the casting (and acting, for the most part) was bad, the plot was predictable (it IS, after all, based on the comic book series.) and the effects were... effects. standard issue. nothing spectacular. i'm so glad i didn't pay for it. hahaha. for something that is supposed to be a geek movie (they're all scientists, for crying out loud!!!) i was most definitely not entertained. even by the scientific parts of it. in fact, i was more bored by the so-called "science" than by, say, the love angle. (which is actually pretty bad in itself.) it's not the kind of science that gets you. unlike csi, which just makes you sit back and go, "whoa!!!" (just a note, though, some of the concepts in csi are not scientifically true. take things with a grain of salt, please.)

there seems to be a lack of good movies these days. which is funny, 'cause it's summertime in hollywood. it's when the big budget flicks come out. oh well. just a lot of uninspired people these days, i guess.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

on being a bridesmaid

the week leading to and the week after the wedding were so hectic, i wasn't able to write about the experience. seven days ago my friend was still single. now she's married. it still hasn't sunk in completely.

here's what the past two weeks were like (with regards to the wedding).

day (-5) coordinated with my co-host over phone. (i was also drafted for reception MC, believe it or not.) got general outline for reception program.

day (-4) woke up at 5:30am to go to the gym. hey, i had to look good in that dress!!!

day (-3) dinner meeting with co-host. finished game mechanics and 40% of script. got home 10pm. went to bed 11pm.

day (-2) spoke with wedding planner, cleaned up program structure. went to bed 11pm.

day (-1) got game props ready, met with co-host to work more on script. went to hotel to meet up with rest of bridal entourage. worked on script some more. took pictures. worked on script again. had dinner. went to a karaoke place. (apparently, the groom is a big fan of karaoke. personally, i would have preferred ice cream and jazz at the hotel lobby. but i'm not the one getting married.) finished at 1am. went back to hotel to work on script - 65% done. slept 3am.

day 0 woke up 6am. worked on script again. breakfast (i love room service, can i just say???) and shower. finished script while rest of entourage was getting made up. got made up by 10am. took 30min nap. enter, wedding coordinator. changed into gown. enter photographer. mayhem in girls' hotel room. went to boys' room to chill. (stress levels not as high over there - nobody really cares about the groom, haha.) had take-out lunch with boys after a few photo ops. ran back to girls' room at command of photographer. hair got messed up on the way - urgh. got to "bridal suite" only to wait another 15mins for the photos. (i hate having to rush for nothing.) picture, picture, off to church. wedding ceremony, yadda yadda yadda... lit candle, and the rest of the time, just stayed in my seat. exited early to prepare confetti canons. only mine didn't go off. crud. walked around in reconstruction of amazon rainforest in mid-to-late afternoon heat. sticky sticky sticky. ick ick ick. photo sessions with newlyweds in gardens, pose, smile, walk walk walk. changed into slippers. reception hosting. scrapped 50% of script due to last-minute program reorganization. a first-time host's nightmare!!! (i am now thankful that my obsessive-compulsive partner made it a point to script everything, because i didn't have such a hard time ad-libbing with the change in program.) grabbed a few bites in between - just enough to keep me from fainting. miffed that i was not able to have dessert crepe!!! (food is still my greatest passion, thank you.) singles game, reception over. dead tired. but hung around 'til most of the crowd disappeared. then decided to join the boys (the groom's friends) for post-wedding ice cream. (hey, it was still early! and the ice cream parlor was just three blocks away from home. haha.) got home 11pm. showered, removed gunk from face and hair. slept past midnight.

day 1 went to work with only half my brain functioning. needless to say, did not get much done. haha. just started to realize that one of my closest friends is now married. whoa.

day 2 partial recovery from post-wedding trauma. happy afterglow started to settle in. my friend is married!!! was so happy.

day 3 realized that the couple would be leaving for their honeymoon the next day. again, happy moment. but a tinge of sadness crept in... they're going to be far away!!! and i don't know when i'll see them again... beginning to miss friend.

day 4 started getting all mushy and sentimental. wondered if (or when?) i'll get married. if i'll ever find the right guy and live happily ever after. *sigh*

that was the whole experience, in a nutshell. insert a few compliments on handling the program well. (thank you, thank you. now if that had gotten me a great date, it would have been worth the trouble - just kidding.) best man said i was a natural, and should consider it as an alternate career. i obliged by saying only if he'll be my agent. harhar. then there was this one guy who i don't know who complimented me twice after the reception. (yeah, i'm being typical girl and racking my brains out over two-line conversations - repeated two-line conversations, at that.)

from excited to stressed to ecstatic to sentimental - the entire production ran the whole gamut of emotions. it was just something i wouldn't have missed for the world. even if i were in london, i'd fly all the way back here just to be with my friend the weekend she got married. because, really, nothing can take the place of sharing in a good friend's joy.

now about that guy...