photo archive #002

what a wonderful world

Words By George Weiss & Bob Thiele
Sung By Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
Bright blessed days, dark sacred nights
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands, saying "How do you do"
They're really saying, "I love you"

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world

*sigh*

i don't know what to say, or how to say it. tonight a complete stranger has touched my life in the most obscure way. i have never seen him. he's just twelve years old. his artworks were sitting on my desk not five minutes
ago. his name is rj. and he has a brain tumor.

and all i can do is cry.

things i never thought i'd say...

I feel fat. Really. I do. (Okay, half the women who have seen me will probably hate me now.) It's the product of wearing handover jeans from my younger sister. She gave them to me when she could no longer slip into them. In truth, neither can i. I squeezed into them. And I can feel all the subcutaneous layers making their presence known. Ick. To think that I just came from the gym yesterday. Sigh.

(oh, happy birthday mom!)

fongi's day off

finally... an extra day to indulge in my whims and hobbies. of course, i had to waste an hour of my time before learning of the office holiday-due-to-bad-weather. small price to pay, i suppose. so instead of a normal workday, i went shopping in makati. (going home immediately would be ridiculous since i was already in the area. all that gas for nothing?!?!) at first i thought i'd chill in a coffee shop and get some more of my reading done (i always have a book with me... yes, yes, i'm a nerd.) but on second thought, i decided to walk all the way from my office to the mall in my black shirt, khaki-colored carpenter pants, and worn-out running shoes. take the makati pedestrian experience. i whipped out my handy digicam and took shots along the six block stretch between state condo and glorietta.


salcedo village skyline on an overcast day


a view inside legaspi park...
you don't get to see this from inside a car


architectural faux pas... stairway to... nowhere

by the time i reached the mall it was just about opening time. perfect. (my feet got sore, by the way. and i was far from dry after that 60-minute trek across the cbd.)

once i got in the mall i made a beeline for the "mommy shops" - places where matrons get their wares. i.e. marks and sparks, rustans, etc. i got my mom a birthday present, but in the process, i bought clothes for myself as well. all this with just a hundred and fifty pesos in my wallet. (aaah, the wonders of plastic swipe cards.) too tired from my three hour walk in the city, i took a cab back to my car (which i left in my parking space over in valero) i got my sister and my a mom milk teas from quickly, then sped home. 25 minutes from legaspi village to timog. if only it were that easy on regular working days...

lunch was unexciting. took a nap afterwards, then went to the gym. still did my cardio on the bike, even though i'm sure my body has had enough of aero exericises from the morning's stint. ended up spending more than two hours working out. making up for lost time. after my weight training, i went to buy a birthday gift for my friend. expenses again. oh well. i'm getting my paycheck next week. hope it's not as disappointing as my first one.

for a whole extra day, i didn't seem to accomplish much... oh, and i made dinner. then i blogged. (duh.) talk about exciting.

525,600 minutes

525 thousand journeys to plan...

• take up scuba diving. (pending budget)
• acquire a manual slr camera.
• buy a more advanced digicam (?)
• put up shelves in my bedroom.
• finish reading my (growing) pile of books.
• try out new recipes.
• write a short story. (poetry?)
• learn how to make my own clothes!
• get involved in a theater production.
• contribute to a magazine. (writing or photography)
• try mountain biking.
• rock climbing???
• surfing!!! (hang ten, dude!)
• go on a nature hike.
• get pioneer girls' ministry re-started. (hmmm...)
• sing in front of strangers. (not at a karaoke bar!)
• do some serious stargazing.
• learn a foreign language.
• go backpacking.
• listen to a live orchestra play vivaldi.

the list will probably keep growing, but the my deadline stays the same. one year to go!

anniversary

i sat down to face her from across the table.

hey.

she looked up blankly.

how are you doing? i ventured.

not bad. it's a saturday. saturdays are always good.

i smiled at her simple answer.

it's been a year, you know. her thoughts jolted me back to reality. it's been a year to the day. even to the hour.

wow. i almost didn't notice.

yeah, me too. it seemed like just any other day when i woke up. isn't that funny?

what is?

that the days you're supposed to remember, you tend to forget.

hmmm, i suppose. did you make it a point to remember?

well, i thought wouldn't have to. i thought it would be something i wouldn't forget. but i guess i just got caught up in other things that it didn't really hit me 'til an hour ago.

so what are you thinking?

about what happened.

and?

and how i got here.

you feel it was a mistake?

i don't know... it definitely wasn't the smartest thing to do. but we wouldn't be sitting here talking this way if it didn't happen.

that's true.

silence.

do you remember what happened exactly? i asked.

pretty much. i remember taking sixteen blue pills, three or four at a time. i remember crying as i did it. and i remember feeling really sleepy and trying to stay awake...

i looked at her. she was staring out the window, glassy-eyed.

i remember hearing the nurse taking my blood pressure. i think he said it was 10/60... i'm not sure, i couldn't really hear him anymore. i was blacking out. they kept asking me what i took. then they forced a tube down my throat. i felt like throwing up... i remember the cold. and the darkness. it was like swimming in a pool of emptiness, like floating in space...

what did you feel at that time?

i was angry. at everyone, at everything. i hated myself. i hated my life. i felt so... worthless. empty. unloved.

she couldn't look at me. i could tell that she was trying hard not to cry. she blinked a few times, and a tear started rolling down her right cheek. i reached out and touched her fingertips. she looked down, shoulders drooped. sadness clung to her like a rain-sodden jacket. she sighed deeply.

do you think i'll ever get out of here? she looked up, straight into my eyes.

i'm sure you will. i made myself believe it, too.

she smiled. i pulled my hand away and got up to leave.

thanks for coming, she said.

no problem.

i smiled and waved. then turned my back on the mirror.

happily ever single

my high school classmate got married yesterday. her wedding was like a fairytale come true, from the knight in shining armor to the blooming bride. any other girl would love to be in her wedding shoes, even if it wasn't the right size. by the end of the night i was looking for end credits, and the signature "and they lived happily ever after" banner.

it was a picture-perfect wedding, but i was not the least bit jealous. i know my wedding day is a long way off, if it ever comes. last night, i simply enjoyed witnessing the beginning of a beautiful marriage of an equally beautiful couple. the circumstances made me strongly aware of my singlehood, but it didn't make me uncomfortable. no wishful thinking of finding my prince charming and having all my dreams come true.

maybe i'll get married, maybe i won't. what matters is that i'm content with where i am now.

i love being single. it comes from knowing that god is preparing someone for me, and that he’s also preparing me for that someone. i smile at the anticipation. it’s the strangest feeling, knowing that there is someone out there that god has planned for you, but not knowing who it is, when you’ll meet, and how you’ll fall in love. the mystery intrigues me. truth is, i’m giddy with excitement. at knowing that god will surprise me by bringing that someone into my life when i least expect it, in a way that will make all those old romance novels seem like silly daydreams. i’m not expecting a knight in shining armor to come sweep me off my feet. but i believe that the moment god presents to me the one i am meant to spend my life with, it will be a dream come true. because it was a match made in heaven.

you might find it strange that i speak with such conviction about finding and meeting the right one. yes, it has crossed my mind that i might end up being single the rest of my life. and i’m okay with that. if god feels that i will be more effective in doing his work by not getting married, so be it. but deep down inside i want to fall in love, get married, and have kids. i told as much to the lord, and he simply said, ‘i know’. i can just imagine him smiling at me as he said that, and his smile tells all. he knows what I want, but much more than that, he knows what i need. and he’ll provide me with the love and affection i long for at the exact time i need it. which is why I’m perfectly content being unattached. because god is affirming that i am at a point in my life when being single is the best thing. for me, for now. and he’ll show me love when it’s the right time. when that love comes, it would be for me, forever.